you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
