Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
