Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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