I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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