I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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