You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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