I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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