Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
