I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
