Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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