she looked like the before picture.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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