Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
