Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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