my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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