so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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