You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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