she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
