I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
