I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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