btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
