I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
