She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
