Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
