just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
