Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
