I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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