I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
