if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
