did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
