a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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