Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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