He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
