There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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