The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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