can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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