I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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