My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
