one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
