peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
