That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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