She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
