can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Boobs are out for the taking
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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