I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
