ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
