I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
