I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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