I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
