It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
