My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pants are for mortals
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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