I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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