Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
