have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
