remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
