I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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