I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
