I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
